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THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT MARRIAGE
My husband and I have been married for 11 years but we have been dating for 4 years before that. We've had a pretty rough couple of years before getting married, nearly separating SEVERAL times! We were relatively young and our relationship was the first that my husband had that was 'serious'. He was 19 and I was 22 so what did we REALLY know about relationships, much less marriage? I had been previously engaged…but again…what did I know about how to be a wife at 17?
Over the years, we've gotten to know each other more and more. Now, after 11 years of marriage, WE STILL DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER! Lol! But we have gotten ALOT better. Here are the things I've learned about marriage:
DO NOT THINK THAT YOU CAN CHANGE THE OTHER PERSON
Ok, first of all, my husband is 3 years younger than me so at the time, I'm thinking "Ok, he doesn't have as much experience as I do so I'm gonna mold him into what I want him to be". BIG mistake! He is as stubborn and headstrong as all get out so he wasn't changing ANYTHING! Lol! We bumped heads at almost every turn and it seemed like an impossible feat.
Why wasn't he giving in to my wants and needs and doing what I wanted him to?
Well, after two military deployments (1 year apiece) and one child later, I JUST started realizing that he wasn't caving. I started working on myself and trying to figure out what I needed to do to change things. I started holding myself accountable and realizing my part in all the mess and cleaned up my act!
KIDS WILL NOT MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER
I thought that having a baby would make things better because hey, who would want to leave a person with kids? Or who could leave such a cute little face? I was hoping that was the case. We tried so hard to make it work but when the second deployment came around 4 years later, I found out that he had a choice whether to stay or to go…..he chose to go.
BEST DECISION – of course, I didn't see it that way at the time but as I stated earlier, I had plenty of time to get to know myself and what I really wanted out of him, myself and our relationship. I also had time for my precious little girl to teach me patience and what it really means to be a parent. I loved it!
When he came home, things were so much better. There was less stress and I had learned how to communicate better and over time, it helped my husband to communicate better as well.
DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY
Ok, so this one I haven't really mastered yet, but boy do I know the aftermath of when it happens! You wake up in the morning already angry (or frustrated or insert negative emotion here) and that's just not a good way to start your day. I try not to let it affect me but I'm going through the entire day thinking about what more I could've said to further make and validate my point (you know those arguments you have in your head about what you should have said and how you should have said it). Next thing I know, I'm back home and I have to deal with it all again when I should have just nipped it in the bud the night before.
Honestly, life is short so why spend ANY amount of time being angry over something that usually turns out to be a misunderstanding or miscommunication in the end. It's not worth it, especially when it bleeds over onto the kids.
ALWAYS BE HONEST (EVEN IF IT HURTS)
My husband is brutally honest, he'll tell me things about myself that I don't particularly want to hear. But, I've known this is how he is since the beginning and I have learned to accept him for who he is. I've also learned to accept criticism and with that, he's learned to be honest without destroying my feelings! So it worked out, we both worked on changing ourselves in our own time and our own way.
LET GO OF THE COMPARISON GAME AND EMBRACE YOUR UNIQUE MARRIAGE
This one is mostly for me. I am usually living in a fantasy world. I love affection. I see how couples do on TV and think "Okay, I want that" and think it's just going to be that easy.
I also used to see these couples who are so lovey-dovey and holding hands and are kissing in public. I wanted that too.
My husband isn't all that affectionate so I had to accept the way he loves. We have different love languages and in finding that out, I was more understanding of the way he loves me. It's truly unconditional and real, nothing we do is done to appease others or show that we have the perfect marriage. THERE.IS.NO.SUCH.THING. So now, when I see other couples doing all these things I have to wonder if they are doing it for show or if it's real. I can usually tell when it is genuine, and since I am more secure in my own marriage I can appreciate and be happy for others when they are genuinely happy.
By no means do I think I have the perfect marriage or even close to it. I do know that my husband and I are perfect for each other which makes our relationship work. We worked extremely hard to get to where we are and I am grateful to have him in my life. We respect each other's differences and embrace them, that also has brought us closer.
What are some of the lessons you've learned about your marriage? Tell me more!Click here for reuse options!
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